“JAKE WOULDN’T STICK HIS DICK INTO DIRK IT’D BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND” I SCREAM INTO THE NIGHT
“IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP COUPLES TEND TO SWITCH ROLES EVERY SO OFTEN” THE NIGHT SCREAMS BACK
“FUCK YOU NIGHT” I SCREAM BACK
“OK BUT TOMORROW IT’S MY TURN” THE NIGHT COMPROMISES
(Source: ectobiologist)
First of all, how many other ailments did he try that remedy for? Do you think he tried it at home? Like for little stuff? Do you think it ruined his relationship with his family? Like his son burns his hand making Tostino’s pizza rolls for himself and his soccer team after they win the big game and in front of everyone, he pulls down his pants yelling, “now Jason JUST LET ME TRY THIS! WE DON’T KNOW! IT COULD WORK!”
Do you think he was a doctor? Tremendously talented yet much hated by all his constituents? Every time a new patient enters the hospital you can see him lurking around the outskirts of the OR, raising his hand tentatively and bobbing up and down until finally one of the other doctors’ concentration is so tested that he angrily yells “WHAT?” and the guy pointedly motions to his groin area and raises his eyebrows poignantly.
Until finally, one day, the chief of medicine gives him a warning - if he suggests pissing on the patient one more time, he’ll never work in medicine again.
The next day a patient comes in with jellyfish stings all over her legs. Not a huge deal, the hospital is right by the beach and they’re plagued with jellyfish related incidents all the time - it’s time consuming and resource wasting - and as he’s on thin ice, the grunt work gets shunted off onto him. He’s alone with her in the room - she passes out from the pain and he knows he’s got one shot - one chance to grab everything he’s ever wanted, and he won’t let it slip. He whips his scrubs off, does the deed, and she’s instantly relieved. She opens her eyes and whispers, “thank you.” He knows he’s done it.
He pushes all the emergency buttons, calls every member of personnel into the room and announces he has finally found a relief for jellyfish stings. “What is it?” asks an intern. He smiles knowingly. The entire room groans. Several people leave in protest.
On his cheek shines a single glistening tear.
“There’ll be no living with him after this,” whispers the chief of medicine.
HELP THIS CS PROJECT IS KICKING MY ASS
IT’S KICKING ALL OF OUR ASSES
I’M STUFFING MY FACE WITH SUGAR BUT IT’S NOT HELPING
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????????????????????
this is literally my prelab assignment.
oh my god
there is no way my TA actually made this
or is there???
I am fucking dying this is amazing.
